Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The saddest day of my life.

Today I want to tell you about the day I have lost my Mama. 

I barely talk about it because it still hurts so much.  My Mama was the greatest person you could ever imagine, she was caring and loving an warm and she had the biggest heart. She always cared about other people first, she wanted to make sure that everybody is fine. She cared for my sick grandparents, she rescued homeless pets. She helped anybody. She was always there for me. She still is. I know it. I can always feel her in my heart and everytime i have to make a decision I ask her for her opinion. I think of her every single day and I miss her so much. It is so hard to lose your Mom...you can never get over this, you can only try to live with it. I am still trying. It isn't easy because she was (and still is) such an important part of my life. I could always ask her for advice. It breaks my heart that David wasn't able to meet her. I am sure he would have loved her. And I know that my Mama loves him. He makes me happy and that is what she always wanted for me. She always made me smile. 

This is my Mama:


I was 19 when my Mom died. At that time I was writing my final exams for my Abitur ( which gives you access to study at a university) and I was studying all day and night. I got up pretty early that morning because I had a lot of work to do. I left my room  and when I was in the hallway I knew that something was wrong. The door to my parents bedroom was open. And it was never open during the day. So I looked everywhere and found my Mama on the bathroom floor. She wasn't unconscious. But she wasn't "there'. I can't really describe it. But I immediately did an emergency call. The minutes before  the ambulance and doctors arrived were horrible. I tried to do everything I could but I did not know what was wrong with her....
They took her to the hospital. A helicopter took her to another clinic. They had to put her in an artificial coma. She had a ruptured aneurysm. She was in a coma for 4 weeks. She died 5 days after I wrote my last exam. 
Why didn't I wake up earlier? Maybe that could have saved her.

Did you lose a beloved person? 

10 comments:

  1. i am so sorry to hear about your mama and you are in my thoughts today. thanks for sharing your story.
    xo jes, www.twosmuppies.com

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    1. Thanks, Jes! It means a lot to me!

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  2. Katrin, what a beautiful post, thank you for sharing this. My husband lost his mum about two years ago, I didn't get an opportunity to meet her. And cried so hard at the funeral. It still hurts today but I feel her and her love through my husband and my father-in-law who both love and adore me to bits. <3

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    1. Vanisha, thank you for your lovely words! It means so much to me! I am sorry that your husband lost his mum too. I am sure it is very hard for you that you never had the chance to meet her. But you can always feel her in your husband's and father-in-law's love. I am so happy that they love you so much!

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  3. this just breaks my heart :( things like this are things ones never get over. and i have lost a few relatives to aneurysms (sp?). it is such a tragic way to lose someone.

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    1. yeah, it is a horrible way to lose someone. you just don't expect it. i am sorry that you lost relatives like that too!

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  4. oh my goodness, I'm reading through some older posts of yours (before I 'met' you) and my heart is breaking for you.
    I think that you are so brave for being able to write about such an unimaginable time. I'm glad that you trusted the blogging community enough to share.
    I technically don't really 'know' you but in a lot of ways I feel like I do!
    when you said that your mom would do anything to help someone it completely reminded me of you!
    you have been nothing but extremely kind and real since we first found each others blogs and you've made me smile a million times over with your sweet words!
    your mom would be so proud of you and I hope that you share more stories about her, she sounds like a wonderful woman!

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    1. You are so sweet, Meg! I can`t tell you what your words mean to me. Thank for being such a great friend! I really feel like we know each other too!
      I am glad that I was able to make you smile! You always make me smile too. Your blog is great and I love all your sweet comments and to see your pictures on Instagram!
      It means a lot to me that you say that your mom would be proud of me!
      Thank you!!!

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  5. This is so sad :( I'm so sorry you had to lose your mom, and in that way too. :( But I don't think you should blame yourself for not waking up sooner, sometimes crappy things happen that we can't prevent or change, and I think your Mom wouldn't want you to be sad that she isn't here, she'd want you to be happy and keep spreading your happiness in the world, helping animals and building a new life with David! :)

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Martha! They really mean a lot to me. Sometimes it is hard to not blame myself. When I am really down then I start to think "what if"...

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